87 years from now, some wise sage just may point out that, "Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth onto all continents shredding instrumental metal, conceived in three-guitar harmony, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are not created equal..." Because, you see, Electro Quarterstaff is a special breed of band. A breed of band whose shredding instrumental metal demands the creation of catchphrases such as "I see your Gretzky is as big as mine." (which, unsurprisingly, works just as well, if not better, with their self-released "Swayze" EP) as much as it demands respect, admiration, and the proverbial "throwing of the horns".
Yes, the time of "Gretzky", the all-too-long-awaited Willowtip-released debut full-length from Electro Quarterstaff, is finally upon us—bringing with it eight tracks and more than 50 minutes of unrepentantly sweaty and vocal-free heavy metal. As stated in the booklet: "This is an uncircumcised recording." As stated by the label: "One of the greatest instrumental metal albums of all time." As stated by me: "An album so man-esque, even your lady-friends will grow a pair upon experiencing the brute man-ishness of its testosterone-fueled manhood." For with "Gretzky", Electro Quarterstaff proves that all you need are three guitars, drums, and approximately six hundred and sixty-six riffs per track—only a scarce few of which are appropriated from 1986—1988 era Metallica or prime Thin Lizzy. Sure, an insanely impeccable recording meatier than the rack of ribs that tips over the car during "The Flintstones" intro doesn't hurt. Nor does the bizarre yet awesome artwork. And Canadian bloodlines may or may not be mandatory for the equation to complete itself, I'm not sure...
But whatever the case, it's true: This is one of the greatest instrumental metal albums of all time. Therefore, I refuse to further dishonor their supremacy with such pedestrian gibberish. It's time to rock:
Electro Quarterstaff "Neckwrecker"
Some bands call themselves "thinking man's metal". Well, sorry ladies, but this is "manly man's metal". This is "Chuck Norris' beard metal". And I fucking love it. You know what I'm sayin'? These dudes are supreme badasses of the highest order, and any self-respecting disciple of the riff owes it to themselves, and to the sheer might of the band, to purchase this record:
Comments
I hear Metallica all over this record. And by that I mean classic, vintage Metallica. All in a good way.
10.31.2006 | By AdamXP
meh, i think the rerecorded tracks from the swayze ep are the best on here. all the songs sound too similar to eachother and there’s no variation at all. i’d only call this the best instrumental metal album simply because its the only one i know of.
10.31.2006 | By Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You must be a lady.
10.31.2006 | By Chuck Norris
Can’t listen because I’m at the library, but “Neckwrecker” is the ebst name for a metal song ever. EVER.
10.31.2006 | By Anonymous
It’s like Maddox wrote a guest review for Aversionline! Nice…Haha…
Gotta say though…I was looking forward to this record and I don’t know if this is what I was expecting. It’s a lot murkier then I thought. For some reason I had them in league with Fucking Champs.
10.31.2006 | By No One Here Is Asking
That has to be one of the greatest reviews of all time…and I agree with every word. To people that might actually think Swayze is better…give it a few listens. I guarantee Charmony (among others) will be highlights. The growth in song writing is subtle from Swayze but it is there. Just buy it and fuckin’ rock!
10.31.2006 | By Dan
The riffs are really inventive because they don’t have the crutch of just having a vocalist say some shit over the same riff over and over again. These songs are more like compositions than standard metal songs. I really don’t understand the Metallica comparison, except for the fact that both write (wrote, in Metallica’s case) really catchy riffs. The songwriting, drumming, and tone are worlds apart. This is one of my favorite records of the year, and there were a LOT of good metal albums this year.
10.31.2006 | By af
“Chuck Norris’ beard metal” ROFL! YES! I fuckin love it!
10.31.2006 | By Adrianoso
Plus, you got props in the liner notes, and that never hurts the ol’ review praise, right? ;)
Just kiddin, this album rox my sox.
11.1.2006 | By Disco
Finally, finally new Electro Quarterstaff.
Amazing stuff.
11.1.2006 | By Calvin
Great stuff here- Willowtip is making a name for themsevles. Reminds me of a young Earche. As always, keep up the great work Andrew!!
11.5.2006 | By Sk@k
check ‘em out
8.11.2008 | By dsamop
http://www.myspace.com/tetrafusion
8.11.2008 | By dsamop